A brief recap; the last two posts on this series dealt with the issue of agreement. We established that to safely say that you are in a relationship; a statement of offer (proposal in this regard) has been communicated by the guy to you and you have unequivocally accepted his offer.
Now that you have accepted his proposal and in courtship, let’s move on to weigh the considerations.
As you weigh the consideration, speaking of your valuable assets that you have to give to each other, here are a few questions that I will like you to answer candidly;
Now that he has proposed to you, why do you have to say yes? Do you really want to marry him? Are you willing to give all of you to him? Are you ready for the commitment?
Keep in mind that the context of relationship we are dealing with in this series is one that leads to marriage and we are using the elements of contract (agreement, consideration, capacity and legality) as metaphor.
So What is Consideration?
Legally, consideration is seen as the ‘badge of enforceability’ to agreements.
A valuable consideration in the context of contract law consist either in some right, interest, profit or benefit accruing to one party, or some forbearance, detriment, loss or responsibility given, suffered or undertaken by the other.
An easy way to understand consideration in everyday transaction is the exchange of goods or services for money. You make an offer to buy my pen for fifty naira, I accept, I give you my pen and you give me your money. The money for the pen is the consideration for giving something of value to you. I am sure you wouldn’t part with your money or resources in exchange for something that is not of value to you.
So for an agreement, that is the offer and acceptance to a have a badge of enforceability, there has to be something of benefit to one and something of detriment to the other, but because relationship is not a venture for profit, consideration has to be given by both contracting parties.
Interesting isn’t it?
I am very sure that in a bid to make tangible this badge of enforceability was what motivated our forefathers to devise the concept of “Bride Prize”.
I am quite convinced that the bride prize paid by the groom and his family is a symbol of value which represents consideration. For some tradition, the consideration is simply sufficient but not necessarily adequate. For some other tradition, the consideration (bride prize) can be a very insignificant sum while in some other clime, it is an enormous sum but the bottom line is that something of value has to leave the offeror (the groom and his family) to the offeree (the bride and her family).
Thanks to our fathers for such a clever way of communication consideration to us but in the real sense, consideration is not one sided as far as relationship and marriage is concerned. It is not just a grooms’ thing, it has to be paid by both.
(Hey guys don’t get excited yet!). I am not suggesting some sort of ‘grooms price’ (*laughs*).
That said; let’s peg considerations on four square points looking at it from four perspectives; consideration as commitment, consideration as love, consideration as submission and consideration as your time.
Commitment as Consideration
It is amazing that sometimes we want to eat our cake and still have it! Commitment is a word that is becoming scarce today. Some people want to be in a relation but are not willing to commit themselves to it! You can’t keep your eggs in different baskets and expect it to be safe? Reverend Olusola Areogun of Dream Church always that “It is wisdom is put all your eggs in one basket and guard it”.
I am sure you would say ‘that was then’! But truth is constant.
Committing yourself to a relationship is a huge consideration to weigh because it is a valuable that has to be given by both parties for their agreement (relationship) to be tenable.
Commitment means putting your feet down into that one relationship and determine to make it work. Commitment is knowing that you have options but you chose to stick to one person. Commitment is a benefit and a detriment to both; it is given and received by each other and should be mutual.
It is a detriment because you are both making a sacrifice to stay true to each other even when there are tempting offers calling for your attention.
It is very easy for ladies to throw themselves into a man and begin to assume wifely role even when the man is yet to give his commitment. It even becomes more confusing to learn that a guy can chase a lady for years without relenting just for the sake of hunting and when he eventually catches his game he is satisfied and that is all there is to it!
Not all men though, but just the typical ones.
I knew of a young man that began a fierce chase at my friend when she was 13 and he 14 years old. My friend eventually gave in to his advances when they got into the university. Trust me, this guy never gave up. He travelled hours just to pay my friend a visit at the university at every given opportunity and on some occasion my friend will refuse to see him. They were the envy of our friends. I particular named the guy a fierce hero of love. They were together for 5 years excluding the four years of his advances.
I was very surprised when I learnt of their break up which happened as a result of my friend asking to know the goal of their relationship, if there was marriage in view and when.
It was really shocking to me that our fierce hero was not committed and was not ready to get committed to the relationship. He just wanted to linger on. I could not comprehend how a guy can chase a lady with every ounce of him yet not committed or willing to get committed to her.
So what was the goal of all the sacrifices that he made? Why the fierce chase? I mused!
Commitment means burning the bridge and disregarding all other options but you must be sure to weigh that it is a noble course that you are committing to and the decision did not stem from the heat of passion!
