The term relationship is getting more and more difficult to define as the fine line that separates an intimate relationship which leads to marriage from dating is getting blurred by the day, but there is certainly a difference. Two people can date for five years but they may not be in a relationship not to talk of graduating into and marriage. Not to get it wrong, they might eventually dabble into marriage probably because the girl got pregnant by mistake and the pressure to take responsibility, results in marriage.
Meeting each other could just happen no doubt. Developing feelings for each other may also just happen without evening knowing how, falling in love may also happen without knowing when but being in a relationship is deliberate.
The finite line that differentiates a relationship from mere dating is the agreement of the contracting parties. To understand the establishment of a relationship, we are going to use the element of a contract to aid our understanding.
What is a contract?
By way of definition, a contract is a voluntary obligation undertaken by two or more parties supported by consideration. We will deal extensively with consideration in later series.
Agreement
To say two people are in a relationship means that an agreement exists between them and for that to happen, there must be a communication of offer and acceptance. It means that both have voluntarily assumed liabilities with regard to each other. It also means that there is a meeting of mind between the both of them because it takes two to tango. (I know I sound so serious, but it is that serious).
Still using our friends Jeremy and Kristen, (from the movie, Act like a Woman, Think Like a Man) it will be easy to say that there is a meeting of mind between them after all, they live under the same roof, sleeps on the same bed and shares almost everything together but as good as that seem, they are not in a relationship.
Relationship in the context of this book means a bond geared towards marriage.
Back then at the university during dinner and awards nights for graduating students, there is usually an award for best couple in class, in the department or in the faculty. The glam is so alluring and almost irresistible especially when the couple walks hand in hand through the red carpet to claim their awards. The paparazzi that goes with it is so enchanting particularly when they pose for the picture, the guy looking all like a knight in a shiny amour and the lady looking flawless like a duchess. As breathtaking as the couple may appear, if there is no communication of offer and acceptance, the show is nothing but charade.
So what is an Offer?
An offer in the sense of a contract could be defined as a proposal or a promise by one person (offeror) to enter into a contract on a particular set of terms with a specific intention of being bound by that promise as soon as the person to whom the promise is made (offeree) signifies his/her acceptance.
The key words in this definition are offeror and offeree. Other key words are; proposal, promise, specific intention, set of terms and acceptance. Burrowing deeper and peeling it off one at a time, the bearing of every relationship is the communication of offer. This means that there has to be a proposal which carries a promise with a specific intention backed with set of terms. (*hope it is not so difficult to take in?*)
It may not be wrong for a guy to hover around a lady that he admires. There is nothing wrong with him being a friend, him being caring and charming and of course falling head over heels in love with you but if he lingers too long and just too close for comfort and he is not saying anything to you, girl ask him.
Yes, ask him why the care!
From experience and observation, most of us ladies are afraid to ask such question. First, most ladies are afraid to rock the boat.
The fear of being perceived as desperate mutes most of us and we will would rather take it slow and steady than spoil the rhythm.
Another reason why most ladies don’t often ask such question is because of the fear of scaring him off. You do not want to lose him and at the same time you want to know where you stand with him. (Does that sound familiar?)
Another possible reason why most ladies linger aimlessly in a “relationship” may be because she is not decided anyway and so want to leave it to time tell.
At what point can we then say that a guy has proposed since it can be quite tricky? What is not an offer? We will look at three things as we try to understand what an offer is not in order to know what it is.
Statement of Intention
This is the first thing to look out for because it looks so much like an offer but it is not. A statement of intention for example can be “I love you”. This may not mean anything because it is about the most used English expression. Still on our friends Jeremy and Kristen, Jeremy already told Kristen that he is in love with her and cannot do without her. He is still intending to propose to her, he is still sampling and checking her out. It is very tricky because friends know them together, they go the movie every time, hang out every other time, spend weekend at each other’s place sometimes yet there is no communication of offer. Either of them can choose to walk out of the “relationship” and no one has the right to feel hurt because there is nothing binding. [*sounds mean I know*].
Hey sis, you will never go wrong by asking; “so what is the goal of the attention? Why the commitment?” {*wink*}
Supply of Information
This is another thing that is not an offer or proposal but sure looks like it. Thank God for technology and social handles that has made communication seamless and cheap. He may share his life ambition with you, you two may share ideas, he may tell you how much he loves you and can’t do without you, you guys could talk about almost everything that but that thing [*smile*].
Communication creates bond and because you two have grown fond of each other as a result of constant supply of information, it is easy to lapse into “wifely mood” without basis.
Hey sis! You will never go wrong by asking him at this stage; what is the goal of the supply of information? Why the commitment?” {*wink*}
Invitation to Treat
This is a pseudo offer. An advert on display is simply an invitation to treat. Every advertorial has four goals; to attract you, to create an interest in you, to cause you to desire it and to make you take action. Here is a guy that spoils you to rotten with gifts, real luxury items. He is quick to spend on you, calls you at every spare time of his and of course, he just loves to hang out with you. I am sure you are not goods on display that needs to be checked out. Hey sis, you will never go wrong to ask him:
“So what is the goal of the attention? Why the commitment?” {*very serious though*}
There are no hard and fast rules as to how a relationship should begin but you must be clear on it! Never assume! It does not have to be a glamorous engagement. He does not have to take you to that cozy place, dazzle you here and there till he gets you drowsy with passion and then get down on one knee, brings out the box, pop out the ring and voila! “Marry me?”
It is enchanting and absolutely beautiful if it happens that way but it is not necessary. What is important is that he makes a proposal, a promise that is not empty and an intention that is specific. An offer must be communicated not implied.
Acceptance
Congratulations girl if he has proposed to you but the circle of an agreement is not complete until you accept {*rolled eye balls*}. Someone defined acceptance in the context of a contract as a final unqualified expression of accent to all of the terms of an offer. Another person defined acceptance as the expression of an intention to accent to the terms of the offer. Acceptance must be clear and total. Simply acknowledging his proposal is not enough, if you have accepted, then communicate it.
Let him know if it is a yes or a no!
We will revisit acceptance in later series, meanwhile, cheers girl!, the journey just began. As you two dribble on the pitch with the goal post in view, there are other critical factors to consider before you walk down the aisle to say “I do!”
