I thought I had dealt with these emotions – anger, frustration, jealousy, envy, competitiveness, and other emotions that I can’t even sift through or even have a definition for.
Should I blame it on my monthly cycle? At least, research says that a woman’s monthly cycle alters her mood – whether when menstruating, ovulating, or just in mid-cycle. If that is the case, then it’s a known secret that my reason should remind my emotions to stay focused when my monthly cycle hits.
Should I blame it on the responsibility of being a wife and mum? Where can one apply for a sabbatical to being single again for a while? Is my husband pulling my buttons or are my children causing the triggers? Is it interference from extended family members that is stirring the undercurrents?
Is imposter syndrome the culprit? Is it a feeling of falling short of God’s investments for me? Feeling not capable of being the wife my husband needs? Or not able to create the atmosphere that will help raise godly seeds?
Is the feeling stemming from community support? Being in a new environment can maybe take its toll. Could I be missing physical hugs and tete-a-tete with fellow women?
I have heard of winter depression. Do I need more vitamin D, or am I listening to too much news or nay-sayers?
Is it fuzziness from not having enough sleep, not drinking enough water, not having enough rest, or is it too much screen time? Or am I just over-feeling?
Am I running on low charge? Is my battery completely depleted? Who runs on low charge at the start of the year with all the energizers around?
While my mind gives in to these myriads of feelings, I try to remind myself of what Proverbs 24:10 tells me – Ryta, if thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.
Galatians 5:16 drums yet louder – So I say, Ryta, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
